Shadow
by Millia
Summary: A series of moments in and out of the books from Selucia’s perspective, daydreams of killing Toy included. Look, a half-hearted update!
1. Part 1: Dirt

**Title**: Shadow

**Author: **Millia

**Summary**: A series of moments in and out of the books from Selucia's perspective, daydreams of killing Toy included.

**A/N**: This is more of a draft in mental exercise than anything else. I just wanted to write something, and lacking any original thought of my own decided to once again steal plots and dialogue as well as characters from Wheel of Time.

These little scenes are not in any particular order, I don't know how many I will do, and, truthfully… I have no idea what I am talking about. I just think Selucia has the potential to be more interesting that she is in the novels.

Part 1 takes place at some point in Ebou Dar shortly after Toy's first appearance.

**Disclaimer**: The characters, settings, etc. all belong to Robert Jordan.

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Part 1: Dirt

"You can't possibly think that that mud-caked toy of Tylin's has anything to do with you."

"You forget yourself, Selucia."

Embarrassed, Selucia bowed her head as the comment stung somewhere inside of her, as it had been intended to. Selucia understood that such comments _should_ be expected, but the problem was that they were so rare she could not help the bitter taste in her mouth. _Like a favorite dog cowed at the dinner table_, she thought, disgusted with herself. She knew better, and quickly made sure that her face was smooth so Tuon would not see the upsetting effect her sharp words had.

Yet for her part, Tuon, as always, seemed to regret the remark, if only because the few times she snapped at Selucia it was usually when she was being petulant—when Selucia remarked on something Tuon didn't want her to. Selucia knew that it was a dangerous back-and-forth they played between _so'jhin_ and Blood, but they were both extremely well versed in its peculiar rules.

The silence stretched, but it was not uncomfortable; Tuon stared out of the window at the Ebou Dar streets. She seemed fascinated by a particular fountain occupying the center of one square; it had not been damaged in the battle like much of the city.

Still the silence continued. Tuon had something to say, Selucia knew; so she would wait. They did not have to be worried about being disturbed for hours yet; the _da'covale_ along the wall of the chambers were as quiet as the dead. Selucia watched her charge from the corner of her eye as she studied the square below. Even in her privacy, Tuon had not removed her veil. Regardless, her small frown was perfectly visible. The silence grated at her like dirt under her fingernails, for it was always Tuon's private silences that worried her even after years of training to be as still and silent as a statue. It was these silences that completely closed off any access Selucia might have to her charge.

Finally, Tuon took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and ruffling the transparent veil.

"His ring, Selucia," she said, and Selucia looked up, startled. Tuon's voice was… _shaking_. "Did you see his ring?"

Selucia had not, but Tuon didn't wait for her reply.

"There was a fox, startling two ravens into flight… and there were nine moons."

"You are sure there were nine?" Selucia asked carefully, unsure why Tuon was telling her this.

"I seem to remember learning how to count," Tuon replied, but this time the comment had no bite to it. The other woman was distracted, too busy frowning, and it took only a few moments for everything to click together in Selucia's head.

"You cannot… you cannot be thinking of Mylen?" Tuon took far too much interest in the _damanes_' well-being, however good it was for their morale.

Tuon did not reply, but her brows drew in together further. "Still… did you notice anything peculiar about him, Selucia?"

"I did not see the ring."

"Not only that…"

"Aside from having no grasp on basic manners? Even the others here seem to understand the basic concepts of bowing before Blood. But surely you cannot take that ring as an omen; the man was ridiculous."

Tuon's full lips twisted in a wry smile at Selucia's indignation. She always chastised the older woman for being as proud as the Blood, though Selucia knew she said it with warmth. "A fool then, you say? Perhaps. You are always a good judge of character. And for all of his status as free, he certainly seemed to belong to Tylin. I wonder what she sees in him?"

Selucia, desperate to change the direction of the conversation, leapt at the small chance provided. "What do you make of the woman?" A direct question that Selucia would never dare make to anyone else.

Tuon shrugged one shoulder elegantly. "She seems eager enough to do what is in the best interest for her people, and she is wise enough to see that we can provide that. Whether or not she will hold to that… well, I would prefer not to execute her, for the morale of the city." She was staring distantly out of the window again. "Have a servant send for Tylin, Selucia."

Selucia nodded and slipped briefly out of the room. When she returned, Tuon was securing a heavy gold crown over her veil, any of her previous thoughts completely gone from a face that was now a severe mask. It was the mask that always told Selucia to fade into the background, and so she did.

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**Originally posted: **08 June 2007 


	2. Part 2: Stones

**Title**: Shadow

**Author: **Millia

**Summary**: A series of moments in and out of the books from Selucia's perspective, daydreams of killing Toy included.

**A/N**: I don't have the books with me, but this was inspired by a comment Tuon had made about Selucia mentioning what it was like to kiss a man. This is supposed to take place years before we meet our heroines, before Tuon's sixteenth birthday. As I've said these chapters go in no particular order, and this one is yet again extremely short and plot-less. I'm a sucker for random character moments, what can I say.

One last thing: Sorry for the impossibly long time frame it took me to get this churned out, and sorry for the lack of editing (I may upload a corrected version later). My reasons are tenfold, including the fact that I don't have the books with me to jog my flagging memory, I'm trying to finish up school with an awful thesis, and basically I've not completed any writing in ages. I like to whine, sorry. If anyone wants to jog my creative juices and give me an idea for another chapter, by all means let me know! Something more interesting for me!

**Disclaimer**: The characters, settings, etc. are not mine.

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Part 2: Stones

Selucia watched Tuon frown ever-so-slightly in concentration, her fingers hovering a breath away from the stones board. She was becoming a very adept player, and doubtless would soon surpass Selucia's skill. For her part, Selucia took the pause in the game as an opportunity to observe the girl across from her –- almost a woman now. These quiet reposes were only one of many contributions Selucia gave to charge in her role as maid and shadow.

The girl's fingers moved a stone delicately, with a grace she had cultivated well, fingers curving ever-so-slightly. It was best for her not to move there, but she would not want Selucia to tell her that -– she would learn from Selucia's next move that she had made a mistake. And so, watching Selucia's move with a wry twist of her lips, Tuon acknowledged that the game had turn in favor of Selucia.

They both immensely enjoyed their games together, fewer as they were becoming. This tiny girl before Selucia was quickly coming into the role as the favorite heir; it was becoming more and more apparent to all.

"Selucia," the girl murmured, studying the board for her next move with her brows furrowed slightly, "did you have many lovers before you accepted me as a charge?"

Selucia blinked quickly –- where had this come from? They had never breached the topic of Selucia's previous life… for all intents and purposes, she hadn't even _had _a life, filled as it was with training for this very task.

"Some, yes. But men have a tendency to become quite onerous after a while." She was only editing slightly; having lovers was a messy affair, she had discovered.

"Yes, I'd imagine so." Tuon placed her stone as carefully and deliberately as always, but her brow was still creased, lacking the usual confidence she had in her decisions.

Selucia studied the girl across from her for a minute before turning her attention to the stones game, which she had for all intents and purposes already won.

"Why are you curious?" she asked carefully. As usual, she had license to speak freely in private quarters, but as the girl's future was rapidly approaching, Selucia would have to be cautious to remain aware of shifting boundaries.

"Did you love any of them?"

Selucia hesitated. Love? No. Not enough to stay when they asked. "I cared for them."

"What is it like, to be with a man?"

Selucia was certain that the girl was blushing, though hidden by the darkness of her skin. Perhaps she was simply curious, as the impending ceremony welcoming her as an adult might make her begin thinking of such things.

"Well, of course kissing a man is quite fun, depending of course on the man himself. Sometimes it's like embracing a fish!" they both laughed softly. Surprising herself, Selucia found herself speaking of things she had long since stopped thinking of, all to maintain that small smile on Tuon's face. Tuon had always been a serious child, but lately it had been becoming more and more stern and closed than usual. The game lay practically abandoned as Tuon listened attentively to everything Selucia said, as if it were a court and she the judge.

"I just wonder, sometimes…" she mused out loud, looking contemplative. Her hand hovered over a stone as if to move it. Suddenly she laughed and looked up at Selucia instead. "I think it is safe to say this game is hopeless for me. I think it is important for me to learn when to cut loose from a losing situation, yes? There's no point on dwelling on things I cannot change. Why don't we go for a walk."

The pensive look had fallen from her face, but then so had her smile. She rose gracefully from the chair, a _da'covale_ appearing instantly by her side. Selucia also rose to follow Tuon outside, looking briefly out the window and gathering herself to continue the performance of servant and shadow. It was funny, she thought, to change from giggling girls in a second.

The decision she had made weeks ago came to the front of her mind, a decision she had not discussed with anyone yet. Despite the closeness she often felt with the girl in her protection, this decision was beyond what was expected by anyone -– Selucia did not need to stay with Tuon after she was officially a woman. Becoming the heir, as she doubtless would, would ensure formidable guards around her at all times. Selucia's role as a maid would be replaced. And the girl certainly would not need a stones instructor for much longer. But despite it all, Selucia had already decided she wasn't leaving, despite where it may take her. This girl was her life now.

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**Originally posted: **26 March 2009


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